The Sacrifice I Will Never Regret

What’s up Krizelle?

It’s been like, what? 5 months since the last entry I’ve made in this site.  It’s not easy to hide the nervousness I’ve felt for the past five months.  But if you want to know, here’s the story.

One of my closest professor from college texted me that he got the breakdown of the results of my licensure examination.  And I was like, oh – oh.  I asked him if I made it.  He told me that I should compute it for myself.  I grabbed my calculator and input the digits and I burst out in tears when I realized I failed.  It was painful.  I was questioning him why in the world did it happen.  I, who prepared very well – studied every night, rejected parties, turn off my social connections – failed while others who didn’t put much effort made it.  Of course my professor couldn’t give me the answer.  I felt devastated.

I woke up.  It was a dream.  I was catching my breath.  When I looked the time, it was only seven in the morning.  I had my breakfast and when I was able to gather myself, I started studying again.  However, I could not concentrate.  I was bothered by my dream.  I felt the pain of failing the licensure examination.  I asked myself, what if the dream will be real?  Am I prepared for it?  My answer is a big No.  I just couldn’t see myself failing.  Not this time.  I grabbed my stabilo and scratch paper and doodled something like this:

I need to release my stress and feel some good vibes.  After posting it, I took a nap before preparing to go to my review class in the afternoon.  This dream triggered my motivation.

If I wanted to pass the licensure examination.  I have to prepare for it – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I stayed at Manila.  It’s no big deal actually since I was used in this set up during college – away from my family.  I made my everyday schedule to make sure that I will able to study all the topics that will be included in the examination.  I stopped going online everyday and made sure I had a lot of time studying.  After my review classes, I headed straight home, eat dinner and relax a little and study until 4 in the morning.  I must wake up at around 8 in the morning so I could still study.  I felt I was a little nerd for doing it but I needed it – I had to make sure I’ll pass.  I need to sacrifice a little bit.  However, there were times I couldn’t reject the temptation of going out.  But whenever I’m out for the night, I had to make sure that I’ll double my time to make it up.

I studied all my notes from college and at the same time studied the review materials given by the review center.  Thanks for my earphones, cellphone and COFFEE for accompanying me every night.  Yes – all caps for coffee.  Without it, I wouldn’t survive until 4 in the morning.  I actually reached to the point where in I poured two sachet of instant coffee in my mug.  I have to increase the caffeine level.  I actually thought that the coffee was flowing in my blood stream. Ha ha ha.

If you’re thinking that I had no time for myself, you’re wrong.  I always had my break – I made sure of it.  I went to the mall to buy my groceries for the week.  I also had a chance to join the Color Manila Run.  I even went to UPLB Feb fair.  I had dinner with friends and a lot more.  I needed it coz If I didn’t I’ll go crazy for sure.

However, there was a time when my body couldn’t take the pressure anymore.  I got sick on a long weekend.  How is that even possible.  I don’t know.  I don’t want to waste time so I made sure I will be okay.  I took some medications but it won’t work.  I rested for that whole weekend and made sure I regained my energy.

And yes – I still had coffee during that long weekend. Ha ha ha! Sorry.

I didn’t notice that time flies so fast and I actually stopped my countdown and boom – tomorrow’s my board exam.  My mom stayed with us during the three-day exam.  The first day was fine.  It was hard but I managed to answer the questions.  I’m not confident but I have high hopes.  Here comes the second day – it was dreadful.  As I was reading the questions, I was asking myself, is my preparation not enough?  At around noon, I was only able to answer 10 out of 100 questions.  Oh God! I need 70!  How in the world will that happen!  I started to get nervous.  So I decided to take a 5-minute nap.  When I woke up, I did what something I would never forget ever since I started my review – pray.  I asked God to give me enlightenment.  I asked him to guide me as I answer the questions because I was on the edge of giving up.  I know he will never leave me in my battle.  He did not.  After praying, I went back to the questions and I felt like I was getting the right answers,  The third day was easy.  There were difficult questions but I was very confident after the third day.  I thanked God for giving me strength for the three-day battle I had and I leave him all the rest.

After the third day exam, my friend and I indulged food.  We relaxed as much as we can.  We felt that it was the happiest day because the burden and fear was over.  We need not to worry every morning.  It was such a relief even though the results are not yet out.

Zark’s Burger – Taft, Manila

Waking up the next day felt like heaven.  We packed our things because we’re going home in the afternoon.  It took us hours to pack all our things but we don’t care.  We felt that we had a lot of time in our hands. Ha ha ha.  At around 3 in the afternoon, one of our classmate texted me: “May results na?”.  I told her “Wala pa”.  My friend left at around 5:30ish in the afternoon and I decided to take a short nap while waiting for my family to pick me up.  I was getting my sleep when this classmate texted me again.  This was our conversation (verbatim):

Deb:  May results na.

Me:  Ano balita?

Deb:  Hindi ko pa nakita

Me: Pero nakalabas na agad?  Sa net?

Deb:  Oo daw

Me:  Shet. Di ako maka connect

And so I couldn’t take in my nervousness.  I hurriedly went to PRC.  I walked up and down the overpass in a matter of minutes.  And when I arrived at PRC – there was no post.  And so I texted her again:

 Me:  Andito ko sa labas ng PRC wala naman nakapost.  Sino nagsabi?

I didn’t get any reply.  My heart was beating so fast.  I couldn’t breath.  I didn’t know if what she told me was real.  So I went to the nearest computer shop and searched for the results.  And there it is.  I scrolled down and was stuck at page 4.  The end of page 4 was with a surname starting with P.  I prayed to God before I scrolled down again.  I told myself I should see my name on the next page.  If not – I would faint.  And when I scrolled down, I saw this:

I hugged JP and burst out in tears.  I passed. I made it!  After a few minutes of crying, I read it once again and asked him: “Ako to diba?”.  Ha ha ha!  I couldn’t stop crying because I was so happy.  I thank GOD because he was with me all the way.  Without him, I wouldn’t make it.  God was good.  I texted my family and they were very proud of me.

The car arrived right after I head up the condo.  My grandmother was inside the car and told me: “Nagdilang anghel ka.  Sabi mo sakin bago ka umalis, ‘Lola, Engineer na ko pag uwi ko’.  Nagkatotoo sinabi mo”.  And I was like oooooooh.  Amazing.  Ha ha ha!

Thank you Lord for this wonderful blessing.  To God be the Glory.

This is my story.  What’s yours?

Wishing you luck

Tomorrow, future chemical engineers will take their make or break examination:  board examination.  Almost all of them are my batchmates from college and close friends.  I thought I was okay.  But as I say good luck to them, deep inside, I know I’m hurting.  I should be there too.  I should be taking that exam as well.  If only I could turn back the time to pass my Plant Design and Thesis early.  I would feel what they were feeling right now.  But at the back of my mind, I know everything happened for a reason.  God has a plan for me.

To everyone, Good luck! I wish you all the best and I will pray for you.  Claim it! And don’t forget to treat me when you pass.  I’ll be next! Promise!

A pain in my chest

I’m panicking.  Literally.  As I lie down on my bed while waiting for my torrents to finish downloading, I felt a prickling pain inside my chest.  I thought I’m just tired.  But no! This pain inside my chest keeps pounding every other minute (I might have exaggerated on the time interval).  The pain was like a rhythm.  And I felt that I couldn’t breath properly when the pain spikes.  I actually want to wake up my mom.  But I was thinking she might panic and over react at the same time.

I never had this feeling before.  All I knew is that I have a history of weak lungs when I was a baby and I usually had hyperventilation when I am stressed or having an allergy.  And now this??  I’m afraid but I do not want to go to the hospital.

I’m hoping that when I wake up tomorrow, this pain would fade away! :’(

Photo Shoot: Denim

Last Monday, my socio-civic organization had its photo shoot with a theme of Denim. I’m not prepared at all. I actually raided my closet the night before the photo shoot.  And unfortunately, I only got 4 denim pieces.  One is a tube short rompers which I used for my academic organization photo shoot one year ago.  The second piece is a denim short which took me hours to find a suitable top to hide my tummy (because I’m fluffy today).  The third piece would be my skinny jeans which was too fit and I’m not comfortable wearing it.  And finally, the fourth piece which I resorted into is the jumper shorts which I used in class two or three years ago.  I matched a bright spaghetti strap top on it which actually looked good on me.

Proud MunScian

Thanks to my stylist and make up artists:  Jelay and Jenine, my dearest housemates.  You’re simply the best!  And how much does this outfit cost?  Roughly a little cheaper than you expected!

Dress for Less: Sunday Dress

Sunday Dress

Gray Sleeveless Top purchased at Greenhills, Black Skirt with printed belt purchased at LandMark, White Flats purchased at SM Department Store, Silver Bracelet and Necklace also from SM Department Store and Earrings from Divisoria Mall.

Cost:  1,183.00

Not bad?

Dress for Less: Casual Wear

Casual Wear for today

Pink V-neck top from Bench Body which I purchased at Robinsons Mall at Los Banos for a photoshoot, Dirty White Shorts purchased at Greenhills by my mom, Bright Yellow Belt purchased at Divisoria,  Golden Bracelet and Flower Earrings from Greenhills as well.

Cost:  533.00

Not bad! )

Sunday Ritual

I started attending  the Sunday mass since last week.  I devoted this commitment not only to satisfy my need but also to be closer to God again.

Today, I attended the mass at San Antonio de Padua Church of Los Banos.  It was my first time even though I spent five and a half years in the town.  As to my surprise, I enjoyed the mass.  I was teary eyed while the choral sung songs of praise.  It was like attending the mass at my former hometown at San Pedro.

The mass started with the procession of the lector, lay ministers, sacristans, commentator and the priest.  It was followed by the normal structure of the mass:  Greetings, Penitential Rite, Kyrie, Gloria and Opening Prayer.  I hardly knew the songs since I wasn’t able to attend the church for the longest time.  I was surprised that they already had new versions.  But then, I tried to sing with them.

Then the second part would be the Liturgy of the Word.  It contained the First Reading, Responsorial Psalm, Second Reading, Gospel Acclamation, Gospel, Homily, Profession of Faith and Prayer of the Faithful.  My favorite part was when they are singing the Responsorial Psalm.  It was my dream to try it just once.  But I was never given a chance before.  The girl who sang this part had an angelic voice which makes me eager to listen to the mass.

The third part would be the Liturgy of the Eucharist which consists of Presentation of Gifts and Eucharistic Prayer.  I really love the presentation of gifts where children would carry an envelope with some donation in it.  I remembered my childhood days where my grandmother would always ask me to be in my best Sunday dress so I could join other kids who would offer.  I really feel blessed when the priest would sprinkle some holy water after we offered our gifts.  And during the mass, a lot of kids participated.  They had a long line which filled the whole altar.

The fourth part would be the Communion Rites.  This includes Lord’s Prayer, Sign of Peace, Breaking of Bread and Communion.  I wasn’t able to get the communion since I wasn’t wearing a proper attire.  That was kinda depressing.  When I was a child I almost see to it that I could get my communion and after reciting my personal prayers, I would join the choral in singing the communion songs.

Lastly, the concluding rite where the priest would give his last blessing.  My grandmother told me that I should finish the mass because this was the important part of all.  And so I waited for the priest to give his last blessing and do the final procession.  The final procession would be the priest, lector, commentators, lay ministers and sacristans would exit in an organize manner like the way they did the entrance.  I really love this part where people would go out of the church altogether.

This exact mass I had at this church was very much like the same as if I was attending the mass at San Pedro.  If I knew earlier that they offer this kind of mass, I should have attended here rather than at the church beside our apartment or none at all.  I really miss San Pedro. At least, if I can’t make it to San Pedro, I could go to Los Banos.