What’s up Krizelle?
It’s been like, what? 5 months since the last entry I’ve made in this site. It’s not easy to hide the nervousness I’ve felt for the past five months. But if you want to know, here’s the story.
One of my closest professor from college texted me that he got the breakdown of the results of my licensure examination. And I was like, oh – oh. I asked him if I made it. He told me that I should compute it for myself. I grabbed my calculator and input the digits and I burst out in tears when I realized I failed. It was painful. I was questioning him why in the world did it happen. I, who prepared very well – studied every night, rejected parties, turn off my social connections – failed while others who didn’t put much effort made it. Of course my professor couldn’t give me the answer. I felt devastated.
I woke up. It was a dream. I was catching my breath. When I looked the time, it was only seven in the morning. I had my breakfast and when I was able to gather myself, I started studying again. However, I could not concentrate. I was bothered by my dream. I felt the pain of failing the licensure examination. I asked myself, what if the dream will be real? Am I prepared for it? My answer is a big No. I just couldn’t see myself failing. Not this time. I grabbed my stabilo and scratch paper and doodled something like this:
I need to release my stress and feel some good vibes. After posting it, I took a nap before preparing to go to my review class in the afternoon. This dream triggered my motivation.
If I wanted to pass the licensure examination. I have to prepare for it – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I stayed at Manila. It’s no big deal actually since I was used in this set up during college – away from my family. I made my everyday schedule to make sure that I will able to study all the topics that will be included in the examination. I stopped going online everyday and made sure I had a lot of time studying. After my review classes, I headed straight home, eat dinner and relax a little and study until 4 in the morning. I must wake up at around 8 in the morning so I could still study. I felt I was a little nerd for doing it but I needed it – I had to make sure I’ll pass. I need to sacrifice a little bit. However, there were times I couldn’t reject the temptation of going out. But whenever I’m out for the night, I had to make sure that I’ll double my time to make it up.
I studied all my notes from college and at the same time studied the review materials given by the review center. Thanks for my earphones, cellphone and COFFEE for accompanying me every night. Yes – all caps for coffee. Without it, I wouldn’t survive until 4 in the morning. I actually reached to the point where in I poured two sachet of instant coffee in my mug. I have to increase the caffeine level. I actually thought that the coffee was flowing in my blood stream. Ha ha ha.
If you’re thinking that I had no time for myself, you’re wrong. I always had my break – I made sure of it. I went to the mall to buy my groceries for the week. I also had a chance to join the Color Manila Run. I even went to UPLB Feb fair. I had dinner with friends and a lot more. I needed it coz If I didn’t I’ll go crazy for sure.
However, there was a time when my body couldn’t take the pressure anymore. I got sick on a long weekend. How is that even possible. I don’t know. I don’t want to waste time so I made sure I will be okay. I took some medications but it won’t work. I rested for that whole weekend and made sure I regained my energy.
And yes – I still had coffee during that long weekend. Ha ha ha! Sorry.
I didn’t notice that time flies so fast and I actually stopped my countdown and boom – tomorrow’s my board exam. My mom stayed with us during the three-day exam. The first day was fine. It was hard but I managed to answer the questions. I’m not confident but I have high hopes. Here comes the second day – it was dreadful. As I was reading the questions, I was asking myself, is my preparation not enough? At around noon, I was only able to answer 10 out of 100 questions. Oh God! I need 70! How in the world will that happen! I started to get nervous. So I decided to take a 5-minute nap. When I woke up, I did what something I would never forget ever since I started my review – pray. I asked God to give me enlightenment. I asked him to guide me as I answer the questions because I was on the edge of giving up. I know he will never leave me in my battle. He did not. After praying, I went back to the questions and I felt like I was getting the right answers, The third day was easy. There were difficult questions but I was very confident after the third day. I thanked God for giving me strength for the three-day battle I had and I leave him all the rest.
After the third day exam, my friend and I indulged food. We relaxed as much as we can. We felt that it was the happiest day because the burden and fear was over. We need not to worry every morning. It was such a relief even though the results are not yet out.
Waking up the next day felt like heaven. We packed our things because we’re going home in the afternoon. It took us hours to pack all our things but we don’t care. We felt that we had a lot of time in our hands. Ha ha ha. At around 3 in the afternoon, one of our classmate texted me: “May results na?”. I told her “Wala pa”. My friend left at around 5:30ish in the afternoon and I decided to take a short nap while waiting for my family to pick me up. I was getting my sleep when this classmate texted me again. This was our conversation (verbatim):
Deb: May results na.
Me: Ano balita?
Deb: Hindi ko pa nakita
Me: Pero nakalabas na agad? Sa net?
Deb: Oo daw
Me: Shet. Di ako maka connect
And so I couldn’t take in my nervousness. I hurriedly went to PRC. I walked up and down the overpass in a matter of minutes. And when I arrived at PRC – there was no post. And so I texted her again:
Me: Andito ko sa labas ng PRC wala naman nakapost. Sino nagsabi?
I didn’t get any reply. My heart was beating so fast. I couldn’t breath. I didn’t know if what she told me was real. So I went to the nearest computer shop and searched for the results. And there it is. I scrolled down and was stuck at page 4. The end of page 4 was with a surname starting with P. I prayed to God before I scrolled down again. I told myself I should see my name on the next page. If not – I would faint. And when I scrolled down, I saw this:
I hugged JP and burst out in tears. I passed. I made it! After a few minutes of crying, I read it once again and asked him: “Ako to diba?”. Ha ha ha! I couldn’t stop crying because I was so happy. I thank GOD because he was with me all the way. Without him, I wouldn’t make it. God was good. I texted my family and they were very proud of me.
The car arrived right after I head up the condo. My grandmother was inside the car and told me: “Nagdilang anghel ka. Sabi mo sakin bago ka umalis, ‘Lola, Engineer na ko pag uwi ko’. Nagkatotoo sinabi mo”. And I was like oooooooh. Amazing. Ha ha ha!
Thank you Lord for this wonderful blessing. To God be the Glory.
This is my story. What’s yours?